when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
