great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
