Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
