So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
