So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am one with the molecules
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
