Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
