I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
