so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
