That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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