no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
