that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
