Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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