I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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