Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
