barbara walters just said penis...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
