If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
