i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
