Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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