Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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