my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You can't just leave with hair like that
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
