thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She announced her abortion via fbk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
