bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
