Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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