okay pat passed out under dana's car
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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