Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
