overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's the barista slut.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
