i need an iv and a liver transplant
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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