I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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