What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
