You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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