I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
