i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
