i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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