Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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