Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
