I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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