I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
