And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm passing your future prison.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
