I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
