He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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