omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
