The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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