4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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