alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i think i just lost a toe
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
