..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
