I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
