I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
