Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
