You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
