Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
